Thursday, 1 September 2005

a quick update before i get kicked offline again grrrr

just a quick update .. as long as my ISP is willing .. during most of the day i can't stay connected long enough to even read my email let alone reply

i'm just trying to relax, trying to regain my strength and weight .. the strength is slow in returning .. the weight, well, i've gained back 5 1/2 pounds that i managed to lose in 11 days after the chemo !!  Just 2 more pounds and i'll be back to my 2nd pre-chemo weight .. i'm sucking down as many apple juice/high calorie powder as my body can tolerate, usually amounting to an additional 1,000 calories a day

trying to deal with my day-to-day responsibilities, watching, amazed, at how molehills turn into seemingly insurmountable mountains .. there are days i take a chill pill just to make sure i don't go through an emotional overload .. but i'm slowly but surely able to cross things off my to-do list and now i'm playing countdown to chemo again

6 days to go before my 3rd chemo .. and of course the required chest xray and bloodwork prior .. i wish they would let me postpone my third treatment for a week or so .. i really feel just one more week and maybe i'd be back up on my feet again and have a better chance of surviving (and yea, it kinda does feel like i'm battling for my life when i get that sick from the chemo)

so i have 5 days to finish 4 weeks worth of work at the office (i'd laugh at how ridiculous it even sounds, but the situation is just not feeling very funny)  but i started yesterday going through my office to-do list and very very slowly taking care of business

my cats still haven't figured out why i'm so cross and short with them .. most days i feel like the chemicals ate all my patience cells .. if i end up hiring somebody to come in and babysit me, i'm putting on their list of responsibilities to remove dead critters from my kitchen and give my cats some extra special loving
and i found out (today? yesterday?) that Savior Sister Susie is buying me a dishwasher !!  its a baby dishwasher .. a mini portable .. 18 inches wide .. just a necessary place for me to keep my dirty dishes until i have the energy to wash them .. i have a miniature kitchen with NO counter space, so between the dirty dishes and the washed dishes that are sitting in the dish drainer, i have no counter space left
i finally figured out how much money i've been spending the past 2 months .. i broke it down between the "necessary cancer expenses" and "having fun while having cancer expense" categories .. me thinks i let the latter get a little out of hand and realized today that my pampering has got to stop .. or i won't have any money left for the necessary expenses .. copayments; prescriptions; my deductible; grocery deliver .. etc .. etc

i swear, after the dishwasher and having another phone jack installed in my bedroom, and buying a few more good books to read, i'm done spending money i should be spending on necessities .. but it WAS fun while it lasted :)

i don't think being a poor cancer patient is going to be nearly as much fun as pretending to be a rich cancer patient .. but my credit card companies are going to be much happier when i'm able to pay them instead of just use the cards lol

i was hoping i'd have some left to send to the red cross to help Louisiana and Tennessee .. it makes me feel so helpless to see those people who've lost everything .. but it does make me realize how lucky i am .. maybe someday i'll be really rich instead of credit card rich and i'll be able to do something .. in the meantime i offer the victims my prayers
on that note, its my bedtime .. nite y'all !!!

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