Wednesday, 9 February 2005

thats my boy

its been over a week since my daughter revealed to me that her and her daddy are considering having her live with him over on the islands for the next year (read more about it here ...

although i've been riding a roller coaster of emotions, i feel i'm much better prepared to deal with this big "what if" than i was a week ago
negative aspect .. 5 years ago, when my ex invited my son to live with him several hours away, i felt like i'd lost 2 years of my sons life .. even though i swore i'd never let the same thing happen with my daughter, now that i'm faced with the identical situation, i still refuse to stand in her way
positive aspect .. i've basically raised my daughter single handedly since the divorce 12 years ago .. my ex has NO idea of our struggles .. perhaps if he was faced with living with her day to day, he might come away with a better understanding of what it takes to raise such a strong willed child and perhaps even learn to have more respect for me
my daughter and i have battled for the top dog position in the household since she was 18 months old .. sometimes i win .. and sometimes i don't .. this little girl has left me weary and exhausted .. the battles are less frequent .. starting out at literally dozens of struggles a day to maybe just one "good one" every month or so .. i feel she's finally learning that good old mom really does know a thing or two about life and she's learned to trust my decisions and my experience .. i still insist that she make her own mistakes and live with the consequences of her decisions .. every so often she still tries to push the blame for some god awful decision she made over to good old mom but all in all, she's learned to be responsible for her decisions
i really wouldn't mind having a break .. some time to catch my breath in time for her "teenage years" which i've heard can be traumatic for both parent and child
how on earth i ended up with 2 children on such opposite ends of the spectrum is beyond me .. i feel like my son was born feeling his mom was the coolest thing since sliced bread (hey mom !!  even all my friends tell me that you're the best) to my daughter who feels i was put on this earth to make her life miserable and to make her suffer (i don't care what my friends say about you mom, they don't know anything either)
a year of peace and quiet?  letting daddy see first hand how emotional and dramatic our little girl is? hmmmmm
i have tried to prepare myself for this "empty nest syndrome" that i've heard so much about .. i even got a taste of it when my son moved over to the islands to attend college there .. i kept my tears and my broken heart to myself .. i knew my son needed to grow up away from home without having to deal with any guilt i could have so easily tried to place on his young shoulders
so i bit my tongue when he left .. i wanted to grab him and beg him to be safe .. to beg him to come back home again when he was done with this stupid college in hawaii thing .. i wanted to beg him not to forget about me
so instead, as he boarded the plane to hawaii 2 years ago, i hugged him, smiled and reminded him to eat his vegetables
and every once in awhile he'll call me, like on thanksgiving .. "hey mom? how do you make those mashed potatoes?" .. and my heart soars, knowing he's really not all grown up yet and he sometimes still needs his mom
i got one of those calls from him last night .. the ones that moms across the world probably long for .. those "hi mom .. i just wanted to call and find out how you're doing" kind of calls .. he didn't need money, he didn't need one of our family recipes, and thankfully he didn't need me to bail him out of jail or some other tramatic event that parents dread
so i told him about the latest development between his sister and his dad ... "your sister might be going to live with dad over in hawaii during her freshman year in high school"
his response wasn't what i expected .. "great mom !!  so then you can come live with me"
i laughed .. like i haven't laughed in so long
he became quiet and then told me "i wish you'd think seriously about it mom .. you'd see that its a really good idea and not a joke"
"i'm serious mom .. i could never live with dad but i could live with you"
"yea hon, i understand .. i couldn't live with your dad either"
we both laughed
i was finally able to catch my breath enough to explain to him that i wasn't laughing because it i felt it was a joke .. but because his invitation couldn't have come at a better time .. how cool would it be for all of us to be living in hawaii !!!
"really mom .. i could even get you a job on the beach"
"oh? and what kind of jobs are there on the beach for old ladies?"
"you could rent surf boards mom !!"
thats my boy

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