its been over a week since my daughter revealed to me that her and her daddy are considering having her live with him over on the islands for the next year (read more about it here ...http://journals.aol.com/his1desire/GirlsHeadNoise/entries/1100)
i've been riding a roller coaster of emotions, i feel i'm much better
prepared to deal with this big "what if" than i was a week ago
aspect .. 5 years ago, when my ex invited my son to live with him
several hours away, i felt like i'd lost 2 years of my sons life .. even
though i swore i'd never let the same thing happen with my daughter,
now that i'm faced with the identical situation, i still refuse to stand
in her way
aspect .. i've basically raised my daughter single handedly since the
divorce 12 years ago .. my ex has NO idea of our struggles .. perhaps if
he was faced with living with her day to day, he might come away with a
better understanding of what it takes to raise such a strong willed
child and perhaps even learn to have more respect for me
daughter and i have battled for the top dog position in the household
since she was 18 months old .. sometimes i win .. and sometimes i don't
.. this little girl has left me weary and exhausted .. the battles are
less frequent .. starting out at literally dozens of struggles a day
to maybe just one "good one" every month or so .. i feel she's finally
learning that good old mom really does know a thing or two about life
and she's learned to trust my decisions and my experience .. i still
insist that she make her own mistakes and live with the consequences of
her decisions .. every so often she still tries to push the blame for
some god awful decision she made over to good old mom but all in all,
she's learned to be responsible for her decisions
really wouldn't mind having a break .. some time to catch my breath in
time for her "teenage years" which i've heard can be traumatic for both
parent and child
on earth i ended up with 2 children on such opposite ends of the
spectrum is beyond me .. i feel like my son was born feeling his mom was
the coolest thing since sliced bread (hey mom !! even all my friends
tell me that you're the best) to my daughter who feels i was put on this
earth to make her life miserable and to make her suffer (i don't care
what my friends say about you mom, they don't know anything either)
a year of peace and quiet? letting daddy see first hand how emotional and dramatic our little girl is? hmmmmm
have tried to prepare myself for this "empty nest syndrome" that i've
heard so much about .. i even got a taste of it when my son moved over
to the islands to attend college there .. i kept my tears and my broken
heart to myself .. i knew my son needed to grow up away from home
without having to deal with any guilt i could have so easily tried to
place on his young shoulders
i bit my tongue when he left .. i wanted to grab him and beg him to be
safe .. to beg him to come back home again when he was done with this
stupid college in hawaii thing .. i wanted to beg him not to forget
so instead, as he boarded the plane to hawaii 2 years ago, i hugged him, smiled and reminded him to eat his vegetables
every once in awhile he'll call me, like on thanksgiving .. "hey mom?
how do you make those mashed potatoes?" .. and my heart soars, knowing
he's really not all grown up yet and he sometimes still needs his mom
got one of those calls from him last night .. the ones that moms across
the world probably long for .. those "hi mom .. i just wanted to call
and find out how you're doing" kind of calls .. he didn't need money, he
didn't need one of our family recipes, and thankfully he didn't need me
to bail him out of jail or some other tramatic event that parents dread
i told him about the latest development between his sister and his dad
... "your sister might be going to live with dad over in hawaii during
her freshman year in high school"
his response wasn't what i expected .. "great mom !! so then you can come live with me"
i laughed .. like i haven't laughed in so long
became quiet and then told me "i wish you'd think seriously about it
mom .. you'd see that its a really good idea and not a joke"
"i'm serious mom .. i could never live with dad but i could live with you"
"yea hon, i understand .. i couldn't live with your dad either"
we both laughed
was finally able to catch my breath enough to explain to him that i
wasn't laughing because it i felt it was a joke .. but because his
invitation couldn't have come at a better time .. how cool would it be
for all of us to be living in hawaii !!!
"really mom .. i could even get you a job on the beach"
"oh? and what kind of jobs are there on the beach for old ladies?"
"you could rent surf boards mom !!"
thats my boy