Wednesday, 26 January 2005

my life is complete - Head Noise revisited

while i struggle with working through yet another tax season, i thought i'd drag up some previous posts that i enjoyed .. this one was originally posted on April 4, 2004 ~~

well, according to the AOL powers that be, this morning our journals were refreshed to include the beta functions that have been tested for the past several months .. i'm hoping for a smooth transition .. yea yea i know .. i'm of the "ye of little faith" category  
i've decided i'm glad that my daughter has a few character traits that she didn't get from me .. there are just certain things that i despise about my character and i'm glad they weren't passed on to her  
like shopping  
they created online shopping for me .. no traveling necessary .. no maps necessary to find the mall that i've been to no less than a million times .. no fighting for a parking space .. no forgetting where i parked my truck .. no standing in line with people who have no respect for "personal space" and stand wayyyyyy too close .. no dealing with cranky employees .. give me online shopping any day and i'm a happy camper  
in addition to qualifying for a "born to shop" bumper sticker .. my daughter has an affection for infomercials .. i have sticky notes surrounding my workspace at home with all the items she just HAS to have .. i keep each note for a certain period of time before i "lose" it .. whoops, sorry, can't buy that product .. i have NO idea what happened to your note .. hahaha .. thankfully she hasn't caught on yet  
or maybe she has  
this weekend she decided she just HAS to have the "6 second ab" contraption .. not trusting that she could simply leave me a note she insisted that we travel to the mall to the "as seen on TV" store in the mall to at least check it out
so i'm thinking .. 6 second abs .. maybe they have a sample in the store that she could try out FOR 6SECONDS and then i wouldn't have to buy it for her  
i should have known it wouldn't be that easy .. or that cheap  
i should have known that naming their product "6 second abs" was misleading .. i hate liars .. turns out that each series of exercises is only 6 seconds long .. but you have to complete a million or so of the series before you have abs to die for  
and with swimsuit season almost upon us .. my daughter just HAS to have abs to die for .. and now she owns the wonderful machine that will allow her to obtain them  
word to the wise .. if you decide to enter the "as seen on TV" store, leave your credit card at home .. they have EVERY product ever shown on an infomercial .. all those wonderfully ingenious products that every single person on earth simply has to have in order to make their life complete  
my life is now complete ..
i have this fantastic little product that i call my bug sucker upper .. spiders, flies .. any insect invading my home will now be sucked up and disposed of, alive, outside where they belong and its no longer necessary to me to get close enough to them for them to "get" me  
sadly after spending years wishing i had this product, once i got it home and used it ONCE .. word got out in the insect community and the insects stopped coming to visit .. but i still have it handy .. just in case  
i am the proud owner of a "driveway patrol" .. a product i don't know how i lived without .. its a small sensor hanging on the fence that detects any movement on the entrance to my driveway and alerts me, inside the house with a series of 3 (very loud) beeps .. kinda like having a doorbell at the entrance to my driveway instead of on my front door  
yea ok .. so it also detects kitties jumping off the fence at 4 am and startles me awake .. running, baseball bat in hand .. to protect my family from home invaders so i was forced to turn it off after a few early morning alerts .. i was forced to save my sanity and prevent 4am heart attacks ..  
the good news is that my daughter no longer has split ends thanks to the wonderful "split ender" that i found at the store .. gone are the hours upon hours of me sitting trimming each single split end that prevented her from wanting to go to school several mornings a week .. now she can successfully trim her own split ends .. life (without split ends) resumes  
oh ! and my daughters progress on her to-die-for-abs?   
sadly its becoming obvious to her that 12 seconds just isn't going to cut it and so far, it appears that yet another swimsuit season will pass us by without her feeling confident enough to wear a skimpy little 2 piece bikini  
yet instead of feeling like i've wasted money .. i am oddly thankful

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