ready to laugh?

i found this while out and about in journal land and thought it was good for a few laughs (at our house, we laughed till we cried!!)  i have no shame, i've stolen it directly from A Ticket To Ride (is stealing ok if you confess? hehe)
~~

A boss concerned with his best worker not showing up for work, decides to give him a call.
He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. The small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there anyone else there in your house?" The boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle:
"Me."

my life is complete - Head Noise revisited

while i struggle with working through yet another tax season, i thought i'd drag up some previous posts that i enjoyed .. this one was originally posted on April 4, 2004 ~~

well, according to the AOL powers that be, this morning our journals were refreshed to include the beta functions that have been tested for the past several months .. i'm hoping for a smooth transition .. yea yea i know .. i'm of the "ye of little faith" category  
i've decided i'm glad that my daughter has a few character traits that she didn't get from me .. there are just certain things that i despise about my character and i'm glad they weren't passed on to her  
like shopping  
they created online shopping for me .. no traveling necessary .. no maps necessary to find the mall that i've been to no less than a million times .. no fighting for a parking space .. no forgetting where i parked my truck .. no standing in line with people who have no respect for "personal space" and stand wayyyyyy too close .. no dealing with cranky employees .. give me online shopping any day and i'm a happy camper  
in addition to qualifying for a "born to shop" bumper sticker .. my daughter has an affection for infomercials .. i have sticky notes surrounding my workspace at home with all the items she just HAS to have .. i keep each note for a certain period of time before i "lose" it .. whoops, sorry, can't buy that product .. i have NO idea what happened to your note .. hahaha .. thankfully she hasn't caught on yet  
or maybe she has  
this weekend she decided she just HAS to have the "6 second ab" contraption .. not trusting that she could simply leave me a note she insisted that we travel to the mall to the "as seen on TV" store in the mall to at least check it out
  
so i'm thinking .. 6 second abs .. maybe they have a sample in the store that she could try out FOR 6SECONDS and then i wouldn't have to buy it for her  
i should have known it wouldn't be that easy .. or that cheap  
i should have known that naming their product "6 second abs" was misleading .. i hate liars .. turns out that each series of exercises is only 6 seconds long .. but you have to complete a million or so of the series before you have abs to die for  
and with swimsuit season almost upon us .. my daughter just HAS to have abs to die for .. and now she owns the wonderful machine that will allow her to obtain them  
word to the wise .. if you decide to enter the "as seen on TV" store, leave your credit card at home .. they have EVERY product ever shown on an infomercial .. all those wonderfully ingenious products that every single person on earth simply has to have in order to make their life complete  
my life is now complete ..
i have this fantastic little product that i call my bug sucker upper .. spiders, flies .. any insect invading my home will now be sucked up and disposed of, alive, outside where they belong and its no longer necessary to me to get close enough to them for them to "get" me  
sadly after spending years wishing i had this product, once i got it home and used it ONCE .. word got out in the insect community and the insects stopped coming to visit .. but i still have it handy .. just in case  
i am the proud owner of a "driveway patrol" .. a product i don't know how i lived without .. its a small sensor hanging on the fence that detects any movement on the entrance to my driveway and alerts me, inside the house with a series of 3 (very loud) beeps .. kinda like having a doorbell at the entrance to my driveway instead of on my front door  
yea ok .. so it also detects kitties jumping off the fence at 4 am and startles me awake .. running, baseball bat in hand .. to protect my family from home invaders so i was forced to turn it off after a few early morning alerts .. i was forced to save my sanity and prevent 4am heart attacks ..  
the good news is that my daughter no longer has split ends thanks to the wonderful "split ender" that i found at the store .. gone are the hours upon hours of me sitting trimming each single split end that prevented her from wanting to go to school several mornings a week .. now she can successfully trim her own split ends .. life (without split ends) resumes  
oh ! and my daughters progress on her to-die-for-abs?   
sadly its becoming obvious to her that 12 seconds just isn't going to cut it and so far, it appears that yet another swimsuit season will pass us by without her feeling confident enough to wear a skimpy little 2 piece bikini  
yet instead of feeling like i've wasted money .. i am oddly thankful

sharing my recent turmoil

::sigh::  this issue has been weighing heavily on me for the past few weeks .. if i had to name one aspect of my nature that i'd like to change it would be how i detest conflict .. i remember back in high school i flunked debate for "buckling under pressure" .. thats me
it took me a lifetime to discover that i don't live in a world where i can simply ask for things i feel are fair and have them drop into my lap .. there are times i must go against my nature and fight for what i believe is right or fair .. and the "fights" make me ill .. i can't begin to describe how frustrating it is for me to know that any amount of conflict is going to bring on physical symptoms that last for weeks .. i wasn't always this way,  probably due to the fact that i've probably spent most of my life avoiding conflict .. it wasn't until my divorce that i started becoming physically ill after conflict
i had asked my ex-husband (nicely) for child support and he refused .. claiming he had a "moral issue" with having to give me money for not seeing his daughter often enough .. so i sat him down and explained to him that she REALLY needed to see him more often .. i gave him 6 months, keeping track of any time he spent with her and he proved to me that all too often his life gets in the way of spending time with his daughter
so i went to Child Support Services back in April of last year and filed for child support .. needless to say, he was a bit angry with me for bringing the government into our personal issues .. i just about fell off the chair though when he said "why didn't you just ASK me for help" .. i'd laugh but it just wasn't funny
he and i finally sat down at the end of July of last year and hashed out what we both thought was an equitable agreement .. and then i waited for the results .. i waited 5 months for him to live up to his end of the agreement .. sadly, nothing changed .. until that is, he received notice that our court date was set for January 18th .. suddenly he started showing interest in his daughter .. by suddenly, i mean the very day that i received the notice of the court date in the mail
seriously, i never wanted it to come this far .. each night i'd hope that he'd come to his senses and do the right thing by his daughter .. and we got nothing but more excuses from him every time his "life" got in the way
i have to confess, i have NO desire to go to court tomorrow .. airing my dirty laundry in front of dozens of people who have NO business knowing isn't my idea of fun .. imagine me having to beg my ex-husband to work with me so that we can stipulate to an agreement and avoid court
yesterday my ex finally returns my calls .. after i had already told the attorney that he hadn't returned any of my calls and i had all but given up on us reaching an agreement and avoiding court .. he wanted credit for the money he'd spent on our daughter for gifts .. i took my daughters advice .. "mom, you need to grow some balls and stand up and do the right thing" .. thats my daughter lol
i firmly told him "no" .. we're making the child support retroactive to August of last year, when we first made the agreement and he's not getting out of it .. but i've decided i'm not going to ask for interest

he's not happy with me .. i guess its mutual

so this morning i need to call the attorney and ask her to prepare the stipulation agreement and postpone our court date until after we've both signed the agreement .. it will be entered as a judgment and i've decided to take the attorney's advice and go for wage garnishment .. even my daughter thought it was wise since "daddy is always forgetting important stuff"
oh .. i guess i forgot to mention the words "wage garnishment" to him yesterday .. you can bet he's not gonna be a happy camper when he finds out the money is going to be taken out by his employeer

its been ages since we had any "extra" money around our house .. there are times i think the term "living paycheck to paycheck" was invented just for us .. my idea of splurging meant buying kitchen tongs that i couldn't really afford .. i haven't counted my chickens yet .. but the very idea of not having to worry about grocery money at the end of the month feels like winning the lottery

i don't talk to my children about the sacrifices i feel i've made .. they already know that if a choice has to be made, my needs or desires will come last .. thats what being a mother is to me .. putting mychildrens needs before my own .. but my daughter made a special request .. that the first few checks that we get from her daddy be spent on ME .. perhaps finally getting my hair cut .. getting new glasses so that i can actually see something .. making an appointment with the chiropractor so that my headaches stop .. getting the little cart for the recycle bins so that i don't have to lug them out to the curb each week .. ya know .. all those luxuries i felt i could do without because i couldn't justify the expense

this battle has taken its toll on me .. i'm trying to hold on .. just a few more weeks, hopefully and i can take off my suit of armor
give me a brow to soothe .. hurt feelings to comfort .. a heart to hold gently .. a knee to bandage .. i'll show you the stuff i'm made of .. i just don't make a very good warrior
i think i'd like to take a vacation with my children .. something i haven't been able to afford since the divorce 12 years ago .. cause even warriors need vacations right?
maybe i'll even have enough to put a little aside each month for my dream .. a little house for me after my retirement .. high in the mountains surrounded by enough land for all the pets and animals that need a place to live  .. i want dogs and cats .. goats and chickens .. maybe even a pig or two .. and of course a couple of extra bedrooms for when my children come to visit their old momma :)

Monday morning headnoise

i've been finding it extremely difficult to sit down and write a journal entry lately .. its been extremely hectic around these parts ..  i've been taking care of some long overdue issues .. add that to the fact that i'm now in the busiest time of year at the office and it breaks down to having so much head noise that its difficult to find anything interesting to write about in a public journal, let alone find the time to actually sit down long enough to actually concentrate on writing
~ we finally got my sons pictures back from AOL that were taken with his new digital camera .. and i can say now that i would definitely recommend the service .. they even emailed me a couple of days after i put in my order to let me know they'd been processed and mailed out .. just go to keyword: printstore !!
~ we're loving our new blockbuster.com membership !!  it works out perfectly for us since we're more inclined to watch movies during the weekend .. i mail the 3 dvd's back on Monday and by the end of the week we've received 3 more .. my daughter and i have just finished watching all the dvd's from the first year of CSI and by the end of the week should have the first shows from the 2nd year safely in hand :)
~ i usually volunteer at the humane society on Sundays, but i'm switching back to Saturdays after one of the employees i've worked with for over a year requested that i change days so i can work with her in healthcheck on Saturdays .. last Saturday though, the shelter was shorthanded so they closed healthcheck .. not sure if i should even stick around or not, i asked the supervisor if they needed my help anywhere else so he assigned me to dog walking .. since the new shelter opened up in San Jose back in October, we have a LOT more room to house animals for as long as they need to find a home .. sadly what this translates into is that there are some dogs that are growing up in the shelter .. i made a quick list of the dogs that had been there the longest and then tried to spend at least 30 minutes with each, walking them around the facilities .. smelling, exploring and doing whatever else dogs are prone to do .. then we'd head off to the play yard for a few minutes to let them burn off some of their energy
4 hours later i was exhausted !!!  we have one rambunctious little boy, now 7 months old that has been at the shelter for 5 months .. his name (appropriately enough) is Spunky !! and he IS spunky .. you'd think he'd never been on a leash before .. we got quite a few laughs from the employees as he literally dragged me around the shelter in search of people to play with lol
i have to say out of the 8 dogs i walked that morning, Jack was my favorite .. he was very timid at first so i wasn't sure if he even wanted to go for a walk .. but a helpful employee decided to help us out and formally introduce us, so we were both more at ease
i snagged some pictures off of the Humane Society webpage of the dogs i got to spend time with Saturday :)


Name: Jack         ID#: 5714
Chow Chow Mix
Age:3y9m              
I'm a little shy when meeting new people, but if they seem nice, I enjoy having them hold me and pet me. I love having them stroke my soft fur. I'm always quite calm and have usually lived in the house with my family and their cat. I know to sit and I come when called. I know I could be happy in any family that wanted a cuddly friend.

Name: Peter         ID#: 4731
Pit Bull
Age:1y              
I'm a brown and white fellow with a lot of energy and I love to play fetch. I'm still young but I have already learned to sit when told and I come when called because that may mean we get to play a game. I'm quite strong, so I'd play best with older children, say 8 years or older.

Name: Puma         ID#: 5208
Dalmation Dog
Age: 4y                    Spayed Female
Puma is a speckled sweetheart who responds to the sit command. She is very affectionate and would be a great companion for any family.
Name: Spunky        ID#: 4963
Mastiff Mix
Age:4m                   
I have an abundance of energy and get very excited when I get to meet new people. I love to make new friends and they have been teaching me to sit, which is really fun as I get a yummy piece of meat when I sit. I always come when people call me, because you never know what good things they have. I'm looking for a family that will be patient with me and teach me new things.
~ i signed up to "google alerts" a few months back .. basically google searches for any reference to my journal on the internet and then emails me a notice .. up until now all i've received are notices of comments i've left in other peoples AOL journals where i provided the link to my journal lol
low and behold i actually got a notice yesterday of a reference to my journal outside AOL journals which quoted an entry i wrote about Atlas and food aggression .. i do believe this is the first time my journal has broken out of AOL journal land !!

here's the link .. www.canecorso.org.uk - wfsection-Food Aggression

just a bit of excitement to round out the week

its another rainy day here in sunny california but thats OK because i have plans for today that don't include getting soaked  

last week i joined www.blockbuster.com .. a service similar to netflix except a couple of dollars a month cheaper .. of course being the forensic science nut that i am, the first 3 dvd's that i ordered are half of the first season of CSI Las Vegas .. as soon as we're done watching the 3 dvd's, we mail them back to blockbuster and they mail us 3 more .. all for $15 a month  

my son flew back to Hawaii yesterday morning after spending 21 days with us ::sigh::  

i had gotten my son a pretty nifty weatherproof digital camera for Christmas but since his computer is down he has no way of getting the pics from his camera .. i tried downloading the images to my computer and printing them but my printer kept jamming .. so i finally broke down and decided to try the Print Store on AOL .. i just selected the images that i want printed, filled out a bit of information and for $3.50 they're going to mail me prints .. i'll make sure and let y'all know if i spent my $3.50 wisely !!  

we had a rather exciting evening last night .. i had just arrived home from picking my daughter up from school and suddenly it felt and sounded like someone picked up our little cottage and dropped it .. both my daughter and i went running outside to find the entire neighborhood running up to the main street where we could hear people screaming and bits of debris floating in the sky  

a mere 1/2 block away, we saw smoke at the local exotic car dealership and within a few moments the entire building was engulfed in flames .. we learned later that 2 plumbers were working on the water heater, one mentioned that he smelled gas and then the entire building was demolished in an explosion .. one lady who happened to be standing out there when the explosion occurred said that the entire roof of the building went flying up into the air  

within minutes every available fire truck, engine, paramedic, ambulance and police cruiser arrived and blocked off the area and began fighting the fire .. 3 people were rushed off to the local burn center (the 2 plumbers were listed as critical)  

we saw the news footage a bit later that evening and the entire building was leveled in the explosion .. cars parked nearby had their windows broken from the force of the explosion .. thankfully there were no customers inside the dealership and as yet, no fatalities

even though they're a bit blurry, here are the pics i got with my cell phone




and how was your evening?

head noise du jour

my little one has caught the cold going around her school .. it starts out with a sore throat (the "worst sore throat she's ever had in her life") i'm wondering if i can still call her my little one since she's almost as tall as i am lol
i'm keeping my fingers crossed i don't catch this one .. its no fun being a nursemaid and being sick at the same time .. i'll probably end up running back to the office and picking up a few things so i can work at home if she decides shes too sick to go back to school today
i got a call last night from my son who is attending college in Hawaii .. he called right after he got his first tattoo finished .. he's been talking about getting a tatt since he was 13 or so and being a tattoo affectionado myself i could completely relate to his desire to add some permanent body art .. i was hoping i'd find an email from him this morning so i could see the piece he finally decided on .. all i really know is that its an octopus with a polynesian influence .. black and red .. on the outside of his left calf
he says he has a newfound respect for his momma (since i have 3 tattoos) i figure thats not such a bad thing !!
he swore me to secrecy .. his dad was visiting him last week and got himself a tattoo but told our son he didn't have the money to pay for another one .. i guess our son got tired of waiting for the tattoo his dad promised him almost 2 years ago and used some of his college funds to pay for the tattoo .. now i need to scrape up the money to pay for the tattoo .. my son told me to chill cause he's got it covered and not to worry about it .. i'm not worrying, exactly, but i figure it would be kinda cool to be able to say i paid for my sons first tattoo (i'm a weird kind of momma for sure lol)
i think both my children have always found it easy to confide in me .. i can't remember all the times they've started a conversation with "i know you're going to be upset but ..." or "don't tell dad but ..." .. there are times that they confide something i really could have gone the rest of my life not knowing .. i mean really !! what i don't know won't hurt me right? its difficult at times remembering that we have an agreement to go easy on the reprimand if they've been honest with me

 like the phone call i got sunday morning from my daughter while i was at the Humane Society .. "mom, i know you're going to be upset but .. " and then she told me how she and her friend had just taken my son's beloved Cadi out for a little spin in the parking lot .. and after they parked it back in the driveway "it smelled like burnt gasoline" and a "whole bunch" of warning lights came on telling them to get the engine checked
::insert big mean momma growl::

his Cadi has got some major problems going on right now and until i get the money to fix some really expensive gasket its going to continue to have an oil leak .. and until i get the radiator replaced its going to leak coolant .. and yes, she did get scolded for doing something so idiotic .. and yes, now the keys to his car are hidden from my very adventurous (albeit honest) 13 year old daughter

 

i've been spending time adding what recipes i can find from my mother's collection to my own recipe journal .. i've added an index, some backgrounds and graphics .. i am really pleased with the way that its turning out .. i don't know why i didn't think of having an index sooner .. it really was getting difficult to locate any of the recipes since they've gone to that notorious older entry archive
i would really love some feedback if anyone gets a chance to stop by and check it out :)


i've also been updating my AOL Journal Hints & Tricks, including an index of the entries ..

 
and last but not least .. a huge thanks to Amy (Donah42) from hippies in yuppieland who graciously combed through the AOL Journal Directory and located all the links to deleted journals .. the Directory has now been cleaned up !!  i still can't believe she volunteered to go through that massive list !!  Thank You Amy !!!
on that note .. its time to check on my little one to find out if she's well enough to go back to school this morning :)

Humane Society Update

i spent the entire day yesterday volunteering at our local Humane Society .. i still can't believe its been a year since i signed up for my training and began volunteering .. i know i've been lucky to have been teamed up with people who are willing to spend their time teaching me and training me in several areas of the shelter
i was curious to see what (if any) changes have taken place now that the city of San Jose opened their own Animal Care Center on October 1st and will be responsible for a large percentage of the animals that were previously the responsibility of the Humane Society
there are currently 6 cat kennels at the humane society .. "KR", "Adoption Room B" and "Kitty City" are designated as the adoption kennels .. the nursery, Cat Room A and Cat Room C are the stray and holding kennels
we spent the majority of the morning setting up Cat Room A as an adoption kennel instead of a holding kennel, transferring the cats and kittens still in their holding period into Room C, and then sterilizing and cleaning the room which holds approximately 20 cages, from top to bottom .. we had simply run out of room for the cats that had passed health check and were available for adoption
the dog adoption kennels were also filled to capacity .. so healthchecking additional dogs into adoption just wasn't feasible since there were no adoption kennels available
we started out with behavior check on a confiscation due to an abuse complaint .. a local man was arrested after being seen beating and kicking his pit bull on a public street .. it was our job to evaluate the dogs temperament and behavior .. sadly and predictably, the dog was not suitable for adoption .. situations like this make a lot of people angry .. its not the dogs fault, yet the dog is the one that pays the ultimate in consequences
the next dogs to check on the daily list were the small dogs that have been placed on a "preferred breed" list .. we vaccinate and healthcheck the dogs but rather than place them in public adoption, they are returned to the holding kennels until the Special Needs supervisor can call the people that have paid $50 to be notified when their preferred breed is available for adoption .. cocker spaniels, pomererians, maltese, shih tzu, jack russell terriers, pugs.  are all popular dogs and are first offered to customers on the preferred breed list before going up for public adoption
playing with the smaller dogs while checking their behavior really is a lot of fun :)
i got to take a break from that for awhile when Sarah came in and asked for my help in the feline healthcheck room .. 2 people are required for taking blood for the feline leukemia and FIV tests .. even though it had been several months since i assisted in cat healthcheck, we breezed through the 10 cats in just a few minutes with no problems
i had just returned to the canine healthcheck room when the supervisor asked for my help cleaning up one of the socializing areas for the dogs .. Shelly (the supervisors own dog) had been paired up with Tank .. a silly little 6 month old bit bull boy with an abundance of energy .. Tank's parents had been confiscated for attacking their owner causing her severe facial trauma .. since aggression is a learned behavior, we need to keep a special eye on him to make sure he didn't pick up any of his parents aggression
last weekend he passed healthcheck and spent a week in adoptions without showing any signs of dog or people aggression .. saturday, he was pulled from adoptions for a reevaluation when he growled at customers and started "fence fighting" with other dogs while being walked past other kennels
i've explained Shelly's responsibilities at the humane society .. she is a wonder dog at evaluating other dogs temperaments .. she is well trained at keeping younger, rambunctious dogs in check .. disciplining them and teaching them some much needed manners
while Shelly and Tank are left alone in the room, we had a baby monitor set up to be able to listen to find out if any squabbles started .. throughout the day we stopped by their play room to give Tank some human socialization .. bringing treats for both Shelly and Tank .. by the end of the day Shelly taught Tank that if he's calm and sits on command he'll get to share some of the treats
Shelly continually watched over Tank during the day, keeping him calm and continuing to place her paw gently on his back whenever he passed near her to show him that she was in charge
i'd have to say that being able to spend so much time with a pit bull that shows promise at being a perfect companion with some training and socialization is the biggest change in the humane society .. a mere week ago we wouldn't have had the man power or time to concentrate on Tank
the other change i saw immediately was that the dog socializers have now paired up to work together to socialize the dogs .. since its important to keep the dogs social skills sharp, they are often paired up with other dogs of similar size or breed in the adoption kennels, which makes socializing difficult at best .. now that they've been instructed to pair up its a lot easier for 2 people to socialize the larger paired up dogs in adoptions
the last dog we healthchecked before i went home was a small australian cattle dog .. a 4 month old puppy .. cute as the dickens but she immediately showed signs of dog aggression, fence fighting with every single dog that we passed on the walk to healthcheck .. i literally had to pick her up and cover her eyes to keep her calmed down .. she also failed the food test, scoring a 10 by attacking the hand we use to test for food aggression .. thankfully rescue had already put a hold on her with instructions to send her to rescue if she failed behavior check .. since she's going to rescue, she'll get the training she needs to hopefully cure her of her aggression


on a more personal note .. i do believe i've been "cured" of my crazy mad crush on the supervisor at the shelter .. apparently he's already found the love of his life and now i am forced to cross him off my list .. so ok, he was the only one left on "the list" so i suppose i should just throw the damn stupid list away
for the life of me, i can't figure out why i'm so disappointed .. it was the perfect "fantasy" (while it lasted) and he's hooked up with his ideal partner (as far as i can tell) and i should be happy for them .. i know i should just be thankful that his dream lover decided to confide in me that they had been a "couple" for several months now before i made a complete fool out of myself and approached him indicating my own interest
maybe she simply confided in me to cure me of my crush eh .. regardless, it worked .. back to the drawing board .. or maybe not
::big sigh::