today i learned something about myself that i wish i didn't have to learn
i've wondered, as my children have been growing up, how i would react if someone, anyone, ever hurt one of my children
and today i found out
at
10:35 this morning i received a frantic phone call from my daughter ..
she was hysterical, making it difficult for me to understand her .. but i
understood the urgency in her voice and through her tears, i managed to
make out a few words " ... hit me .. my face .. i'm leaving ... "
i
told her i couldn't understand .. to speak slower .. the story poured
out of her .. one of her schoolmates confronted her during break .. when
my daughter tried to walk away, the girl grabbed her by her hair and
punched her several times in the face
i told my daughter not to
leave the school grounds but to get over to the office immediately and
that i'd meet her in the principals office in 10 minutes
i heard one of her friends say "i'll walk with you to the office" and i told her goodbye
while
packing up my stuff from the office, i called the school and informed
them that i'd be there in 10 minutes and i wanted the principal to meet
me there
it was the longest drive of my life .. except perhaps
when my daughter had called from the high school that night to tell me
she fell and needed to go to the hospital .. i tried calling her father
on the way drive to school but his cell phone was turned off .. ah yes
.. thats what he does when he's on the plane making his way over to
hawaii
the vice
principal met me at the front door when i arrived .. as he was leading
me back to my daughter, i glanced into his office at a familiar face ..
it was one of the friends that had attended my daughters 13th birthday
party .. "is that her?" i asked him .. he nodded yes .. without
thinking, i headed towards his office .. he pulled me back telling me
that my daughter needed me
my
heart is breaking for my daughter as i write this .. she's sleeping now
.. filled with as much Motrin as her little 14 year old body can stand
.. an icepack pressed against her sore jaw
i
don't think i'll ever forget the look on my daughters face as i entered
the nurse's office .. the tear stained face .. she broke out sobbing
and i rushed to her and put my arms around her .. when her tears
quieted, i gently asked her to tell me what happened
once i
learned that my daughter had tried to walk away 3 times from the
confrontation and had never thrown a punch or laid a hand on the girl, i
turned to the principal and told him .. "i need the police called
immediately" .. there was no doubt in anyones mind that i'd be pressing
charges
this entire mess is over one a mutual "friend" .. the
same little girl that stole my daughters ATM card and drained her
account .. when the police called my daughter last night after her
"friend" ran away from home, it didn't occur to my daughter NOT to try
to help them find her .. even she knows that a 14 year old shouldn't be
out on the streets
and there was one little girl at her school that thought she needed to be taught a lesson in helping the police
and
now that same little girl is getting a lesson of her own .. a citation
for battery .. a 5 day suspension from school .. she's facing court,
probation and community service .. and also a restraining order if i
feel it necessary that one be filed .. threat of expulsion should she
ever feel the need to take the matter up with my daughter again
my
daughter told me of her shame through her tears .. how she tried to
avoid the confrontation .. that she ducked and tried to leave, but it
happened so fast that she never thought of hitting the girl back .. "mom
.. what if they tease me for not fighting back?"
with
the principal there i told my daughter what i knew .. that if she would
have hit back, even in self-defense, that it would not be a case of
assault but it would be a "fight" and she would also be facing
suspension .. the principal nodded in agreement
"sometimes its a good thing when you don't have time to think .. and in this case, it kept YOU from getting into trouble too"
i've
tried to stress over and over to my daughter that in every way possible
she did the right thing .. and tomorrow (i hope) when she returns to
school, she needs to keep doing the right thing and not add fuel to the
fire by talking about the incident with anyone
except
she has my permission to discuss whatshappened with one of her friends
.. the girl that kept putting herself between my daughter and the
schoolmate in an attempt to stop the fight .. the only one at that
school that was yelling for the girl to stop .. the one that walked my
daughter to the office
and tonight i'm calling that girls parents
.. to tell them how grateful i am to their daughter for putting herself
in harms way to try to protect my daughter .. and to let them know how
much it meant to my daughter to have such a good friend
the
school has been made aware of this little girls heroic actions .. and i
also let them know how grateful i was to her .. we should all have such a
good friend
with my daughters permission, i've got a phone call
in to my daughters 2nd mother (i hate the term step-mother)
who has self-defense classes under her belt .. i'm signing my daughter
up for those classes as soon as i can .. and it breaks my heart that i'm
bringing my daughter up in a world where its necessary to physically
defend yourself for doing the right thing
tonight, when she wakes
up for her nap, we'll practice what to say to her schoolmates tomorrow
when she refuses to talk about what happened .. i made my daughter
promise me that she refused to let a few girls scare her into not going
to school .. and she promised
its not often that i want to hurt
someone .. its just not my nature .. but when i saw that girl sitting in
the principals office i knew, without a doubt, that i could indeed
inflict bodily injury on another person .. and if when all is said and
done, the girl has NO fear of the consequences of laying a hand on my
daughter .. i WILL make sure that girl has some fear
nobody, but me, ever hurts my child
if
anybody has any words of wisdom, a voice of experience, i sure could
use it now .. i'm amazed, still, how protective i was of my daughter ..
my need to let her grow up without fear .. what i wouldn't give to be
able to save her from pain .. from fear ..
but at the very
least, she knows how proud i am of her .. for doing the right thing,
regardless of the cost .. "doing the right thing is always the hardest
thing to do" .. shes made me proud and i'm making sure she knows it
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