Friday, 28 January 2005

having life flipped upside down

my 14 year old daughter has this sure fire way of getting my attention .. all she has to do is start a conversation with "mom, i know you're probably going to get upset but ..."
and this morning she got my attention
i've been divorced from my children's father for 11 years, the same amount of time i endured being married to him .. at first we shared joint custody but for the last 8 years i've had full custody of my daughter .. out of sheer financial necessity, i finally convinced myself last year that i had a responsibility to sue him for child support
my ex-husband and his new wife have a nice local home that they were in the process of remodeling .. they also have a second home in hawaii .. all the while, my daughter and i struggle to pay for groceries .. there was something wrong with the picture and i finally decided i needed to "fix" it .. last week i was informed that the papers were finally being drawn up so i should begin receiving child support very soon
fast forward to this morning ..
"mom, dad is thinking about moving and last night he asked me if i wanted to live with him in hawaii during my freshman year in high school"
like i said, she knows how to get my attention .. and "upset" is an understatement
i want my children to experience as many things in life as opportunity affords them .. even though i was crushed 2 years ago to find out my son would be attending college in hawaii instead of locally, i was excited for him that he had the opportunity to experience something that is not offered to everyone
the same holds true for my feelings for my daughters life .. how exciting it would be for a 14 year old to be able to live for a year on the islands !!
i've already warned her not to get too excited .. her dad blows smoke out his butt with regularity .. i have yet to have him give his word on anything that he followed through on
the thought of losing my daughter for an entire year has me floored .. weall knew when they bought the second home in hawaii that there was a really good chance that they'd be moving over there .. i just never dreamed he'd want to take my daughter
right now i want to hurt him or at the very least, to call him on the phone and scream at him .. how DARE he feel he has the right to entice my daughter away from me
i can't compete with hawaii .. hell .. i'd probably move over there myself if he asked me (NOT !!) but it sure would be tempting
part of me would probably enjoy having my own life again for a year .. yea right
i knew both of my children would be leaving the nest someday .. just not THIS soon
color me cynical .. 11 years he's gone without showing any interest in living with his daughter .. until the very week that i am granted child support .. i wonder if there's a connection
i need to go distract myself .. i'm feeling ill

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